Every Single One Of You

Yes. Everyone of you have this. Problems. Not the average problems. This time it is mental state problems. Psychological problem, you name it. From A to Z, everybody have it.

Someone asked me this today.

"If someone has a mental disorder and this someone has a crush on you, would you accept him?"

"Depends on time. If the time is now, the answer is no. But if later, who knows? I might accept him regardless his mental state. Once I love someone, it hard to let go. But no promises."

"Wow, you are one lady that have differ perspective than others."

"Nobody's perfect. Not even me."

"You will accept him then, if the time is right?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I have the same problem too."

This was the exact conversation we had. And yes, I do have problems with my mental. To simply put, my problems is being paranoid. Sometimes when I'm alone, I start to over thinks. When that happens, the simple stuff gets complicated and problems start emerging when there's no real threats.

Sometimes, I lost my myself. I don't know who am I. Sometimes I look at other people and start to think, do I like women? Or guys? Or both? I might be. But so far, that thought was buried somewhere in my brain. Paranoid much? Yes.

And every other times, when my friends not talking to me, I got this feeling they hate me for no reason. Even though I didn't do anything, whenever there's a silence between me and my friends I always thought how they think of me. Do they hate me or not? Basically not. But the feelings are always there.

And sometimes, I like to say something mean and pack a punch. Really mean words just to make somebody hate me. I don't know why but I found that very satisfying. A sadist. Or masochist. I like receiving pain too. I like to torture myself. I do stupid and regretful things just to feel pain.

You know what, I'm pretty messed up myself. That's why I don't care if someone has mental disorder loves me, I would accept them. Not being desperate though, I just feel they deserve some love too.

You or everyone else is not as sane as you thought. So don't pretend to be so perfect when you're not. Because you are NOT. Be yourself. Be crazy, who cares! As long as you're not evil. That's on differ perspective though.