Love You Not.

they say, if you like someone it eventually becomes a crush. and if the crush is last over for a four month it'll become a love.

 i think i love him. :( i feel terrible for loving someone else even though i already have you in my life. am i a bad person for doing this to you? i'm sorry. i know it's my fault. but, even if i love him, he'll never be as good as you- the way you taught me about LOVE. and i can guarantee that he'll never going to fill up the space in my heart like you did. :) and i'm so confident that even though i love him but i'm choose not to choose him!

believe me when i say; I LOVE YOU. even if i don't express it well. SORRY MY LOVE, MY ETERNAL LOVE. :)

My Eternal Love.

falling deeply in love with you again and again. the ruler of my heart.

wow! it's almost six years since we've met! that long? but in that period of time, i still don't know you, the real you. even though i know you since 2006, but we got closed in 2007 right? at that time i always pull a prank on you. but i never guessed that we'll end up together.

do you remember? that night, on 30th May 2008, we talked until deep in the night. until we feel we are closed to each other. that's when you confess to me. i still remember your bold word. "would you like to be my girlfriend?". but i was a bit reluctant, afraid that i might disappoint you in the future or that you might regret later.

after i consult this matter with my friend, i finally accepted you. then, an awkward atmosphere surround us. what's next? what's gonna happen now? so many question came to my mind that night. surely if i ask you, you couldn't answer it all. then you asked me whether i'm sincere accepting you, and i answered "although i can't say if am sincere or not, let's just try it out. i want to know, the you behind that icy attitude, the you in silent."

after that, we been through a lot of challenge being a couple. so many people were opposing us, but there were still people that support us, our friends. thanks to them we still manage to be together.

during 2008, we didn't know what to do, still figuring out each other. but in 2009, i guess i was the one who took the wrong step and caused all the commotion and we end up breaking each other heart. and in 2010, the same mistake occur again. fortunately, in 2011 the mistake was you. finally, you've realized that whenever you tried to be with someone else, you always end up searching me, being with me.

all this time, we don't have to worry about our future. because you and i know what's best for each other. and that is; ourselves. we can't be apart! i've tried! and so do you. we are like a magnet that attract each other.

sometimes we fought. but we know when to make peace. my greatest lesson learnt from you is when in 2009. i regret at that time, i know i shouldn't be so egoist with you.you taught me so much. that's why you are the ruler of my heart; MY ETERNAL LOVE.

I LOVE YOU ARIFFUDDIN RIDZUAN. :)
~ARIANA FOREVER~

You, My Wanted Hero!

you! every time i think of you my heart goes wild! racing insanely! thumping like a drum! sometimes while thinking of you i suddenly smile by myself. some say i look crazy, others said i'm pathetic. why am i pathetic? you must know it right. it's because you are already taken.

yeah, i know. it's insane to have fallen for someone who already have someone else in their life. guess what? i don't care! even though i can't have him, at least let me be his friends, let me admire him from far.

this pathetic story begin in the university. the first time we talked to each other is when we went to HEP together by ourselves. back then we didn't talked to much, we have no feel for each other.

you know that i have no expertise in compute-ring filed. it became so hard to study by myself. my friend also had the same problem, so she suggested we asked you for help. so you and i always chat in the FB to solve the problem. that's when we got a bit closer. then suddenly out of nowhere you've got my phone number. i was surprised, and a bit flustered. why did you go all the trouble to secretly get my number. wouldn't it be easier just to ask me directly? that's when i know you're from a high prestigious school. you have to keep your image clean and cool. every time we get together to study, we always meet in secret. nobody has to know that we actually are close friend.

whenever i have problems, you always there to help me. whenever i need someone to accompanied me, you always offer yourself. but one night, out of the blue, i started walking aimlessly in the campus. i left my wallet and phone at the dorm. i came back late because...because i was lost! but thank to GOD i found my way back. later, i checked my phone and it is full of your message asking where did i go, what happen to me. then i replied i was a bit lost in the campus but i'm safe now. then you scolded me, what a fright. i never thought you'll care for me. since then, you forbid me go any where by myself. you insist to accompanied me whenever i go if i'm alone. that's when i truly fall for you.

everything you did for me i'll cherish it, i'll never forget it. i'm so grateful to have met you. i also labeled you as my hero. a wanted hero actually. and i was the little girl who always call for her hero.

at first, i just wanted to be friends with you. but as time goes by, my feeling towards you has grown. i know you already has someone. but i can't let this feeling go. i don't want to steal you from her, so i decided to admire you from afar. where i can't touch you. only see you make me feels happy.

but the pass few day, i decided i should keep a boundaries between us. in the past i always shares on what happen to me with you, but now i'll just keep it to myself. i want you to focus more on your beloved princess. i don't want her to get the wrong idea. i'm not gonna steal you from her. so you should just take good care of her more than you did with me.

as i avoid getting close to you, you seem almost to know what happen. you started questioning me whether i still believe in you or not. it's not that at all. i wanted to tell you, but i don't know how to explain. you may got the wrong idea or i may feel sad afterwards.

so we should just remain as BFF in the campus. you always been my wanted hero in my heart. THANK YOU SO MUCH. :)

To My First Love

my first love. everyone got it. the first one is really hard to forget. of course, that's why they call it 'first love'.

i thought all my felling towards you was already wash away. i never thought that the little spark of 'love' and 'hope' once again light.

it all started when we enter the same university in 2011. at first, i thought it'll be fun and we can tighten our loose bond since secondary school. the bond that has been loose after you dumped me in 2006.

do you still remember our first encounter? you we're so interested at me in the first year. then we became friends. after a while, a 'feeling' emerge in my heart. it started to bloom and eventually it cannot be hid anymore. after i confess at you, i didn't think you'll accept me so fast. i guess you didn't think as much as i did that time. but, after the confession your attitude became weird. suddenly giving me a cold shoulder and started to create a distance from me. lastly, you decided to dump me. my heart was broken for the first time. this little girl, who was hoping to experience the meaning of 'love' was really devastated. our distance has grown huge. we never spoke or face each other again unless something important is needed to say. you've leave me a deep scar in my heart.

then, after entering the university period, we manage to grow fond of each other. laughing and crying together. all was find until you brought up the past. at that time, i was vulnerable, in need of someone who can love me. a someone that can lend me a shoulder to lean n cry. and that was you. i feel so hopeless. listening to your honest confession make me want you back in my life.

you were so eager that i will agree to become that someone 'special' in your life. i was dumbfounded by your effort. every night you call me to convince me. i was reluctant. leading you on and on.

one night, i took a courage. a courage that i don't know where it came from. i told you with a cold tone that i don't want to be your 'special' someone. i don't want to ruin your life. i don't want for you to make a mistake by choosing me. i guess you took my rejection well. but you started to make that mistake 5 years ago repeat again. you said we can be friends, you said no hard feelings. but you avoid me for almost one month. i guess you didn't get the message behind the rejection.

then days have passed. i took a risk to contacted you for the first time since the rejection. thank god you replied. my heart was like a blooming flower in spring. i'm so happy to think that we can be friends again. i tried to be the friend we were before. the loving and caring friend you used to had. but i guess i wasn't prepared mentally for your shocking news.

one night, you said goodnight to me. and i replied that i couldn't sleep and asked you to accompany me that night. but instead, you tell me the most shocking news that i never imagine at that time. at first i was so eager to know it. but my curiosity brought sorrow to my heart. you told me that you've already found someone else. and i replied quickly that i am so grateful to hear that, so stupid of me. my heart was aching to tell him something else, but my hand does the otherwise. i couldn't bear to tell you that I LOVE YOU.

i know it is my mistake to let you go. i didn't know my heart aches this bad. to picture you with someone else make me so jealous but i only can keep it to myself. no one should know that i still love you.

but, from the bottom of my heart. i'm really grateful that you found her. and i hope that you take good care of her. please don't make the same mistake when you're with me. i wish both of you last until the death separate you. i'll try to surpass the pain of losing you. i'll try to be the true friend i used to be, supporting you all the way.

you always remain the first love that i couldn't get the heart. :)

DIVORCE?!

"what do you mean you want divorce?!" screamed the wife.

"i'm sick of you!" answered the husband.

"whatttt?! what have i done to deserve this!" said the wife.

"look at you! look what have you become after marrying me. it has been only a couple year but you have change so much!" yelled the husband.

"me?! what about you then? you've changed too! nowadays you always not at home. always go clubbing with your friends. and you think i didn't know you cheated on me several times at the bar?!" said the wife started to cry.

"huh, i did that because you're not good enough to treat me like those girls did! and you're bad at housework! look at our children, they're so out of control!" replied the husband.

"oh yeah? you think i have enough hands to do everything?! to take care of the house, the children and you, i have jobs to do too you know! you never even assist me in doing chores!" said the wife.

"if you want me to help, why didn't you asked?! how should i know you needed my help. i don't have telekinesis you know." said the husband never wanting to give up.

"then you got no right to say i'm not good at housework! because you never did it!" replied the wife.

"huh, i can survive with or without you. it is better if we divorce. i had enough looking at your face and putting up with your attitude." said the husband.

the wife cries and said "alright. i agree! after this don't come and beg for me again! between us is over!"

and then they really got divorce. the husband live like a playboy in his entire life and eventually loss his home and job and now his out there somewhere begging people for money. while the wife struggles in raising her children alone. she also took up part-time jobs to support her family. they both live a hard life.

whose fault is this? is it the husband? the wife? or the world? u decide. make a better choice. :)

books, books and lots of books!

books is everywhere you are. EVERYWHERE! some books are fun, others are just plain boring. and everyone has their own genre or reading type of certain books. i rather like fiction books with lots of picture. another example is; my girl friend (a friend which happens to be a girl) love to read romantic-comedy novel. every time we when to a book store, the first thing she search for is the novel section. recently the twilight book has new sequel (i forgot what's the title is, sorry). and my friends are going wild knowing about it. but the book is too expensive (so I've heard), so they came to a conclusion to share money and buy it then reading it together.

it's good to have people like them; eager to reads book, feel passion when reading it. unlike me. i'm not a fan of reading books because i have trouble finding a book that satisfy my demand of the genre. so in the end i stick with comics. LOL. i don't care what people says, comics are still a book too. if it's readable then it's consider as reading materials a.k.a books right? even though comics are not likely the best reading material on earth, but it's where teenagers (like me) find reading interesting with lots of pictures and colors and imaginations with a splash of fantasy.

there's a lot of benefit reading books. everybody knows about it. the first benefit you'll get from it is you'll gain a wide knowledge about something. for example, if you read a book called "how to make a way in women's heart for dummy" then you'll know how women's mind work out. we women maybe complex, but we'll make men life interesting right? another example is when you read a book about science and tech stuff. you're mind will be influence by science stuff and you feel like you want to invent thing. using the knowledge you've gain, it is easy to the certain thing that is related.

recently my country pop up an issue about the people are not reading enough book.

the popularity of reading books is decreasing. the younger generation only read book when it is time for exam or when doing assignment-related task - quoted The Malaysian's Minister of Education

well, he was right. we aren't reading enough book nowadays. especially the teenagers (same goes with me)! in my country we have three major race; malays, chinese and indians. based on my observation the chinese always took first place in all exam. that's because they always read book twenty-four hours a day! they read whenever they go. they never leave behind their book. we malays only read book when it is necessary. meanwhile the indians read book occasionally.

so, in conclusion all of us (including me) must read at least 1 book a week. not a light book, but to more scientific book. the more we read, the more knowledge we gain. it'll be useful in our life. but choose a suitable book for your own taste. if you hate reading, then try to read a smaller non-heavy book such as novel about student life or a book about evolution. don't push yourself to read. you'll hurt your brain if you force yourself.

well good luck in your reading mission everyone! wish me luck too.


# this has been a message sponsored by me : the humble and adorable Kim Hana #

I HATE YOU

yeah, you read the title right. i hate you! (to certain someone) you know why i hate you?? because you just a pain in my butt! ever since you made mom cry, i can't come to myself to forgive you! you selfish as ever, arrogance, mean and hot-tempered person! I HATE YOU TILL THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!! i don't understand why mom thinks you've change since you live away from the family. i don't see anything change in you. you still a self-centered person, dark-hearted person you'll ever be!

another thing that i hate about you is you always butt in my business! i hate that! who are you to boss me around? who are you that i have to report everything to?? and who the hell are you to do as you please with my life?! if you answer 'because i'm your older brother', than you are so wrong mister!! just because your my brother and older one year than me, that doesn't mean you can ruin my life! why do you always ruin my happiness? why?! i never care about your life. you can do whatever you want as long you don't interfere with my life! but why in the fucking world would you get in my life?! i never ask for your help, i never ask for your loving tender care as older brother! not even once i'm interested in your business! so please just leave me alone! you were never a good brother to me!

and if you think that i'm such a snob to you. then you should just ignore me! why bother with my presence?? just did what i did, IGNORE YOU! grrrrrrrr... i freakin' hate you!!! remember the time when i broke up with ****? i was so devastated because he was the love of my life. so i wanted to let the miserable feeling out by posting at facebook. but do you know what did you do back then. YOU SAID I WAS PATHETIC!!! SO WHAT?! i never ask for your concern! and that is why i never felt like you are my brother! you never care, you never take responsibility and you fucking lazy!!!

but..deep in my heart, i never wish you weren't born in the world as my sibling. i never wish you disappear from my life. that's because i don't want mom to feel sad. and i kinda, sorta love you...a bit.

p/s: i'm always like this. using the blog to channel my anger. now i feel better.

About Our Moon

Do you know what is the most thing i love of GOD's creations? it's our moon! there's so much thing to learn about it. so i search up about the moon and this is what i know about it.

MOON HALO
i know i saw this phenomena somewhere before. i thought it was ordinary phenomena so i didn't pay to much attention to it back then. but, recently there was an issue about the moon. many people witnessed a ring around the moon, and made them curious about it. thus it has raise many speculation such as the ring symbolize that the Apocalypse is near and it was a warning for us. some says that the alien tries to trick us by making a ring round the moon and a start to evade the world. actually, it is not true.


rainbows are formed when the sunlight is refracted through the water droplet. the similar effect occur with the moon halo. it is formed when the moon light refract to the ice crystals. the shape of the ice crystal result in focusing of the light into a ring. since the ice crystal has the same shape-hexagon, so the moon ring always has the almost same size.

moon halo

Anatomy of moon halo

MOON DOGS

moon dogs are the paler version of sun dogs: burst of light often in red or blue that appear on the both side of the moon. it occurs when the almost invisible clouds reside at the atmosphere where the commercial airliner cruises at about 30,000 feet. the clouds are largely made of ice crystals, which known as diamond dust. if it at 22 degree than it is called paraselene. then, if it 90, 120 or 140 degree, it is called parantiselene.

moon dog

MOON CORONA

another interesting effect of the moon light is the corona. just like the lunar halos, the coronas are formed by the high thin cloud. but unlike halos, coronas are very small in size.

moon corona

MOON PILLARS

moon pillars can be seen when the moon is rising or setting near the horizon. there are pale shaft of light that extend out either above or below the moon. the pillars appear in the sky when the ice crystal reflect light forward from a strong light such as the moon light. those crystal with plate shapes provide an excellent surface from which the light may reflect towards the viewers' eyes. because of the light are reflected and not refracted, they take the colour of the incident light.

moon pillars

MOON BOWS

you heard a rainbow, now do you ever heard moon bow? a night time rainbow caused by a reflection of the moon light. it works same like rainbow but uses moonlight instead of sunlight. daytime rainbows work great because of the intensity of the sunlight, but moonlight makes it shaped like a rainbow with just a hint colour. moon bows occur in the side of the sky opposite to the moon. so all this time when i saw the rainbow i thought it was a real rainbow, but it actually a moon bow!

moon bows

isn't our moon wonderful?? isn't GOD's creation is superb?? i love our moon.

CLONE=ENOLC

everybody have their own clone. it's like having a non-related twin of our own! fun isn't it! but, have you ever heard about the story when u see your clone, either one of you'll have to die. yeah i know, CREEPY. but im not sure whether it's true or not. some says it's true because there are many incident regarding death after meeting your clone. others says it's just a coincidence. but for me, life and death is in our GOD's hand. :)

not a real twin

just plain wrong

real twin

twin (?)

p/s: cant wait to meet my clone! :D

FROM:: crazy_teddy93

My Wish~

My first wish for you is to understand my heart. Understand that my heart never cheated on you, my heart never forget you, my heart never leaves nor let you go. The moment you let me go, I realize that my life is so different without you.

My second wish is that you'll trust me. Trust me that I'll never love someone besides you, even if I do, I'll never love him the way I love you. Trust me that I'll never gonna find someone interesting like you, even if I do, he'll be the last man on the earth. Trust me that I'll never hurt you like before, even if I do, I know you're gonna forgive me.

My third wish is that you never forget me. Never forget that I'm the only one who knows you better than anyone. Never forget that I'm the only who can love you like this. Never forget that I'm the only one who can make you cry.


p/s: even though you never gonna read this, I really hope my wish will come true. :)

Updating Me!

As we all know that I'm a girl whose life is under the control of my mother~

everything in my life has been conqueredby them...

so im taking a chance away from my family to create a new me! :D

but how??

dats where uitm jngka plays the role in changing my life.

not to a bad way, but to a better future for me...*shining2*

i've always been a dull girl dat never step out of the house...

well no longer dat girl haunt my life...

i'm gonna change everything! yeah!

the old me~

erghhh...my face still look like lil girl...guess how old am i in dis pic?? haha...

now...im gonna change dat immature face to a more mature me~

just wait a new transformation of me!

HENSHIN!

p/s: it may take a long time, but good thing do come to whom who wait~ :3 

My new destination - UITM Jengka!!! XD

UiTM Jengka,
Cawangan Pahang,
Khazanah Alam.

New destination!

dat only means new life! new friends! new me!

huhu~

eventhough da msok uitm ni nk dkt 6bulan

(nk abs sem1 sudaa)

but...! i still cant believe

i made it in!

result xgempax mne un

tah cmne ley msok un xtaw r

xpe, im still gratefull to ALLAH s.w.t

for giving me another chance~ :)

 

Computer and Mathematical Science,

one family, together we unite!

im happy wif my new place!

fes time at jngka, ase cm xdpt nk blend in je

nsib bek la jmpe owg2 yg peramah sprti aishah n izyan wktu MDS

oh ye, MDS tu ialah

MINGGU MENDERA SISWA/I!

grrr..orientasi yg plg mlampau pnah aku lalui! (T.T)

pastu pas da taw nk mcok kls mne...

perghhh...sayu!

xdpt 1 kls dgn aishah! huwaaa!

tp nsib bek r albi tegur aku time tuh...

WANTED! : ALBI

pastu knl2 r dgn sume owg~

fes day of class...

only one word to describe

AWKWARD! XD ahahaha~

mle2 knl sume owg

mke msing2 innocent jerrr

skit un xde unsur2 noty student

hahaha

perghhh...pas da knl sbulan

msing2 tnjuk belang...

mcm2 prangai aku tgk!
(aku un sme jewp~ :p)

my classmate~

innocent an mke ktowg?? haha...

tp yg sbnrnyee kami b'gini2!

awwwwww...! teanjat boboy~

everybody henshin! :D

aku ske setiap detik yg happen at jngka~

byk mnde yg aku blaja...

siyesly dis is the biggest turning point in my life

hopefully sem dpn kte sume 1kls ag~

creating new memories together...

.::CRAZY_TEDDY WAS HERE::.

::An Outcasted Love:: -3-

Days after days had gone.

Without him by my side...

Life so empty.

I began to think that we don't have fate together.

Knowing he can replace me anytime...

Made my heart aches so much.

Every night full of regrets.

Should I give up??

Should I let it end this way??

NO WAY!

Even though many of his ex girlfriends came and tried to make me lose hope.

I still clung to him until now.

Hoping that someday he realizes that all the girls he dated before don't love him the way I do...

And you know what...

He finally come to his sense!

Even though it's a bit late...

I'm still happy..

And eventhough we're far now, our love still remain the same

We feel each other soul to the core

I finally have a happy ending! :)

-the end-

::An Outcasted Love:: -2-

As a year had passed...

I felt uncertain in my heart...

There was some feeling that I, myself cannot describe it...

It's not that I don't love him as I did in the beginning...

It's just that...the feeling began to disappear...

I try to save our relationship by making him scare of losing me...

At first, it was a great idea...

But, I went overboard...

And I made him felt uneasy with me...

I guess its my fault to begin with...

Because of that...

We both began to grow a distance to each other...

What a shame...

Its all because of my stupid move...

After he left me for the first time...

I thought there was no hope...

But I insist to get him back!

I finally realize that my life would be empty without him...

Then, he gave me a second chance...

I was so damn happy just to think that he'll always be beside me...

But, you know what??

I blew up the chance he gave me...

I made him hate me!

-to be continue-

::An Outcasted Love:: -1-

30Th May 2008...

I'll never forget that date...

Somehow it have become a very special date for me...

Someone has taught me the real meaning of love...

He has given me the opportunity to feel what love is truly about...

In the beginning I didn't felt anything about him...

He's just another ordinary boy in my class...

Nothing special...

We were in the same class for 2 years...

When in form 1, I didn't notice at him at all...

I become closely to him in form 2...

And that's when all begin...

He started to get closer to me, in so many way...

We began to be a closer friends...

Until...

In form 3 he started to show some 'feeling' towards me...

But then, I still don't notice it...

Or I just think that he'll never like someone like me before...

It's midnight...

We had chatted for hours after he came home from camp...

At first we talked about the camp...

Then slowly it leads to our feeling...

He confidently confess his feeling towards me...

He said "I've been always care for you all this time"

I wasn't sure what to respond at first...

Then, I simply said "you better not regret after this"

Since then...

My life is so colourful...

Being together with him makes my heart smile and bloom...

In some days, I just can't stop thinking about him...

Even tough he's right in front of me...

He's so cheeky whenever he's with me...

I'm so glad that I got to meet such a wonderful person like him...

-to be continue-

An End Of Chapter For A New Beginning

   My New Life...

The changing is felt trough me. Day by day had passed. Whenever I look outside my house, everything is changing. Nothing seem to be familiar to me now. Why? Maybe because I'm entering a new phase in life. Looking back when I was just a student, learning how to survive in school, that makes me feel nostalgic.

Now, I am a new person. I will learn from my mistake and never make the mistake twice. For my new chapter of life, I will never take it lightly. I will give my all. I will make my mother proud.

My last chapter was my biggest exam and graduating from school. It ended well. I have nothing regrets leaving my school. It had gave me a wonderful experience even though my school doesn't gave out a friendly environment. But, from that I had learn so much.

Furthermore, I gain such wonderful friends and some enemies. Since I started studying at Dato' Shahbandar Hussain High School, my life was so hectic! Everywhere you go you can hear someone screaming. I know it wasn't a pleasant surrounding but it was fun! If you don't believe me, try studying there. The teachers are awesome too.

I know I'm gonna miss the life as a high school student, but I must move on. The new chapter awaits me.