i thought all my felling towards you was already wash away. i never thought that the little spark of 'love' and 'hope' once again light.
it all started when we enter the same university in 2011. at first, i thought it'll be fun and we can tighten our loose bond since secondary school. the bond that has been loose after you dumped me in 2006.
do you still remember our first encounter? you we're so interested at me in the first year. then we became friends. after a while, a 'feeling' emerge in my heart. it started to bloom and eventually it cannot be hid anymore. after i confess at you, i didn't think you'll accept me so fast. i guess you didn't think as much as i did that time. but, after the confession your attitude became weird. suddenly giving me a cold shoulder and started to create a distance from me. lastly, you decided to dump me. my heart was broken for the first time. this little girl, who was hoping to experience the meaning of 'love' was really devastated. our distance has grown huge. we never spoke or face each other again unless something important is needed to say. you've leave me a deep scar in my heart.
then, after entering the university period, we manage to grow fond of each other. laughing and crying together. all was find until you brought up the past. at that time, i was vulnerable, in need of someone who can love me. a someone that can lend me a shoulder to lean n cry. and that was you. i feel so hopeless. listening to your honest confession make me want you back in my life.
you were so eager that i will agree to become that someone 'special' in your life. i was dumbfounded by your effort. every night you call me to convince me. i was reluctant. leading you on and on.
one night, i took a courage. a courage that i don't know where it came from. i told you with a cold tone that i don't want to be your 'special' someone. i don't want to ruin your life. i don't want for you to make a mistake by choosing me. i guess you took my rejection well. but you started to make that mistake 5 years ago repeat again. you said we can be friends, you said no hard feelings. but you avoid me for almost one month. i guess you didn't get the message behind the rejection.
then days have passed. i took a risk to contacted you for the first time since the rejection. thank god you replied. my heart was like a blooming flower in spring. i'm so happy to think that we can be friends again. i tried to be the friend we were before. the loving and caring friend you used to had. but i guess i wasn't prepared mentally for your shocking news.
one night, you said goodnight to me. and i replied that i couldn't sleep and asked you to accompany me that night. but instead, you tell me the most shocking news that i never imagine at that time. at first i was so eager to know it. but my curiosity brought sorrow to my heart. you told me that you've already found someone else. and i replied quickly that i am so grateful to hear that, so stupid of me. my heart was aching to tell him something else, but my hand does the otherwise. i couldn't bear to tell you that I LOVE YOU.
i know it is my mistake to let you go. i didn't know my heart aches this bad. to picture you with someone else make me so jealous but i only can keep it to myself. no one should know that i still love you.
but, from the bottom of my heart. i'm really grateful that you found her. and i hope that you take good care of her. please don't make the same mistake when you're with me. i wish both of you last until the death separate you. i'll try to surpass the pain of losing you. i'll try to be the true friend i used to be, supporting you all the way.
you always remain the first love that i couldn't get the heart. :)
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