Love You Not.

they say, if you like someone it eventually becomes a crush. and if the crush is last over for a four month it'll become a love.

 i think i love him. :( i feel terrible for loving someone else even though i already have you in my life. am i a bad person for doing this to you? i'm sorry. i know it's my fault. but, even if i love him, he'll never be as good as you- the way you taught me about LOVE. and i can guarantee that he'll never going to fill up the space in my heart like you did. :) and i'm so confident that even though i love him but i'm choose not to choose him!

believe me when i say; I LOVE YOU. even if i don't express it well. SORRY MY LOVE, MY ETERNAL LOVE. :)

My Eternal Love.

falling deeply in love with you again and again. the ruler of my heart.

wow! it's almost six years since we've met! that long? but in that period of time, i still don't know you, the real you. even though i know you since 2006, but we got closed in 2007 right? at that time i always pull a prank on you. but i never guessed that we'll end up together.

do you remember? that night, on 30th May 2008, we talked until deep in the night. until we feel we are closed to each other. that's when you confess to me. i still remember your bold word. "would you like to be my girlfriend?". but i was a bit reluctant, afraid that i might disappoint you in the future or that you might regret later.

after i consult this matter with my friend, i finally accepted you. then, an awkward atmosphere surround us. what's next? what's gonna happen now? so many question came to my mind that night. surely if i ask you, you couldn't answer it all. then you asked me whether i'm sincere accepting you, and i answered "although i can't say if am sincere or not, let's just try it out. i want to know, the you behind that icy attitude, the you in silent."

after that, we been through a lot of challenge being a couple. so many people were opposing us, but there were still people that support us, our friends. thanks to them we still manage to be together.

during 2008, we didn't know what to do, still figuring out each other. but in 2009, i guess i was the one who took the wrong step and caused all the commotion and we end up breaking each other heart. and in 2010, the same mistake occur again. fortunately, in 2011 the mistake was you. finally, you've realized that whenever you tried to be with someone else, you always end up searching me, being with me.

all this time, we don't have to worry about our future. because you and i know what's best for each other. and that is; ourselves. we can't be apart! i've tried! and so do you. we are like a magnet that attract each other.

sometimes we fought. but we know when to make peace. my greatest lesson learnt from you is when in 2009. i regret at that time, i know i shouldn't be so egoist with you.you taught me so much. that's why you are the ruler of my heart; MY ETERNAL LOVE.

I LOVE YOU ARIFFUDDIN RIDZUAN. :)
~ARIANA FOREVER~

You, My Wanted Hero!

you! every time i think of you my heart goes wild! racing insanely! thumping like a drum! sometimes while thinking of you i suddenly smile by myself. some say i look crazy, others said i'm pathetic. why am i pathetic? you must know it right. it's because you are already taken.

yeah, i know. it's insane to have fallen for someone who already have someone else in their life. guess what? i don't care! even though i can't have him, at least let me be his friends, let me admire him from far.

this pathetic story begin in the university. the first time we talked to each other is when we went to HEP together by ourselves. back then we didn't talked to much, we have no feel for each other.

you know that i have no expertise in compute-ring filed. it became so hard to study by myself. my friend also had the same problem, so she suggested we asked you for help. so you and i always chat in the FB to solve the problem. that's when we got a bit closer. then suddenly out of nowhere you've got my phone number. i was surprised, and a bit flustered. why did you go all the trouble to secretly get my number. wouldn't it be easier just to ask me directly? that's when i know you're from a high prestigious school. you have to keep your image clean and cool. every time we get together to study, we always meet in secret. nobody has to know that we actually are close friend.

whenever i have problems, you always there to help me. whenever i need someone to accompanied me, you always offer yourself. but one night, out of the blue, i started walking aimlessly in the campus. i left my wallet and phone at the dorm. i came back late because...because i was lost! but thank to GOD i found my way back. later, i checked my phone and it is full of your message asking where did i go, what happen to me. then i replied i was a bit lost in the campus but i'm safe now. then you scolded me, what a fright. i never thought you'll care for me. since then, you forbid me go any where by myself. you insist to accompanied me whenever i go if i'm alone. that's when i truly fall for you.

everything you did for me i'll cherish it, i'll never forget it. i'm so grateful to have met you. i also labeled you as my hero. a wanted hero actually. and i was the little girl who always call for her hero.

at first, i just wanted to be friends with you. but as time goes by, my feeling towards you has grown. i know you already has someone. but i can't let this feeling go. i don't want to steal you from her, so i decided to admire you from afar. where i can't touch you. only see you make me feels happy.

but the pass few day, i decided i should keep a boundaries between us. in the past i always shares on what happen to me with you, but now i'll just keep it to myself. i want you to focus more on your beloved princess. i don't want her to get the wrong idea. i'm not gonna steal you from her. so you should just take good care of her more than you did with me.

as i avoid getting close to you, you seem almost to know what happen. you started questioning me whether i still believe in you or not. it's not that at all. i wanted to tell you, but i don't know how to explain. you may got the wrong idea or i may feel sad afterwards.

so we should just remain as BFF in the campus. you always been my wanted hero in my heart. THANK YOU SO MUCH. :)

To My First Love

my first love. everyone got it. the first one is really hard to forget. of course, that's why they call it 'first love'.

i thought all my felling towards you was already wash away. i never thought that the little spark of 'love' and 'hope' once again light.

it all started when we enter the same university in 2011. at first, i thought it'll be fun and we can tighten our loose bond since secondary school. the bond that has been loose after you dumped me in 2006.

do you still remember our first encounter? you we're so interested at me in the first year. then we became friends. after a while, a 'feeling' emerge in my heart. it started to bloom and eventually it cannot be hid anymore. after i confess at you, i didn't think you'll accept me so fast. i guess you didn't think as much as i did that time. but, after the confession your attitude became weird. suddenly giving me a cold shoulder and started to create a distance from me. lastly, you decided to dump me. my heart was broken for the first time. this little girl, who was hoping to experience the meaning of 'love' was really devastated. our distance has grown huge. we never spoke or face each other again unless something important is needed to say. you've leave me a deep scar in my heart.

then, after entering the university period, we manage to grow fond of each other. laughing and crying together. all was find until you brought up the past. at that time, i was vulnerable, in need of someone who can love me. a someone that can lend me a shoulder to lean n cry. and that was you. i feel so hopeless. listening to your honest confession make me want you back in my life.

you were so eager that i will agree to become that someone 'special' in your life. i was dumbfounded by your effort. every night you call me to convince me. i was reluctant. leading you on and on.

one night, i took a courage. a courage that i don't know where it came from. i told you with a cold tone that i don't want to be your 'special' someone. i don't want to ruin your life. i don't want for you to make a mistake by choosing me. i guess you took my rejection well. but you started to make that mistake 5 years ago repeat again. you said we can be friends, you said no hard feelings. but you avoid me for almost one month. i guess you didn't get the message behind the rejection.

then days have passed. i took a risk to contacted you for the first time since the rejection. thank god you replied. my heart was like a blooming flower in spring. i'm so happy to think that we can be friends again. i tried to be the friend we were before. the loving and caring friend you used to had. but i guess i wasn't prepared mentally for your shocking news.

one night, you said goodnight to me. and i replied that i couldn't sleep and asked you to accompany me that night. but instead, you tell me the most shocking news that i never imagine at that time. at first i was so eager to know it. but my curiosity brought sorrow to my heart. you told me that you've already found someone else. and i replied quickly that i am so grateful to hear that, so stupid of me. my heart was aching to tell him something else, but my hand does the otherwise. i couldn't bear to tell you that I LOVE YOU.

i know it is my mistake to let you go. i didn't know my heart aches this bad. to picture you with someone else make me so jealous but i only can keep it to myself. no one should know that i still love you.

but, from the bottom of my heart. i'm really grateful that you found her. and i hope that you take good care of her. please don't make the same mistake when you're with me. i wish both of you last until the death separate you. i'll try to surpass the pain of losing you. i'll try to be the true friend i used to be, supporting you all the way.

you always remain the first love that i couldn't get the heart. :)