Socially Awkward

::One day in UiTM ( a university I'm currently studying at)::

Person : Hi! May I seat next to you?
Me      : Sure.
Person : What's your name? :)
Me      : Nana.
Person : Okay then.
...Awkward Silent...


2nd Attempt (by the same person)
Person : So, what course are you in?
Me      : Computer Science.
...Another Awkward Silent...

3rd Attempt
Person : Wow! Being in BPC (first aid program) really hard right? :D
Me      : Yeah.
...End Of Conversation...




Did you see how'd it go? I'm not being arrogant or hypocrite. I'm just not good in socializing. I don't know how to be more responsive or start a new conversation. If you ever want to talk to me, please go easy with me. I'm not used to talk to somebody randomly. But my friend said if that ever happens again, I should just smiled! But (I hate to break this to you), I have the weirdest smile ever!!!  Now, I'm still in training to be less awkward by talking to myself. 

The Next Week
That person never sit beside me ever again and the new person are experiencing the same treatment. Sorry.


   I AM AWKWARD!

Sometimes, I...

Sometimes, I can be such an airhead.

Sometimes, I can be dense.

Sometimes, I can be clumsy.
Sometimes, I can be dorky.
Sometimes, I can be adorable.
Sometimes, I can be grumpy.
Sometimes, I can be cheerful.

Sometimes, I am forgetful.
Sometimes, I am quiet.
Sometimes, I am loud.

Sometimes, I am a crybaby.

Sometimes, I am whiny.

Sometimes, I am brave.

Sometimes, I am scared.
Sometimes, I am stubborn.
Sometimes, I am obedient.
Sometimes, I tell lies.
Sometimes, I don't.

Sometimes, I love you.

Sometimes, I hate you.

But, the most important thing is that you still want to be by my side even though I am like this.

My Boyfriend's Logic

This just happen recently.

Him : "You're short, chubby, crybaby, grumpy, whiny. . . blah, blah, blah. . . "

Me  : "Hump! Than why are you still with me!"
Him : "Because. . . I love you."

Me  : "I really don't get you."

Him : "I love you because you're like a chicken! A chubby chicken! An angry chicken!"

The thing is, he never praised me like "you're cute, kind. . . " or something like this. He always resembles me to a chicken. A freaking chubby chicken!  Why can't you be normal like just others?

Your Smile!

I love that warm smile you've given to me.

The smile that comforts me.

I don't need lovely word from you.

Just smile for me, and I'll feel better.

I'm blind by your smile.

Your smile never seem to fade away in my mind.

It's like it has been nailed to my heart.

Even my head is little dizzy writing this,

I'm still longing to see your smile.

I miss your smile so much.

I wish I can see it everyday.

The smile that gives me strength.

The smile that never fades away.

To others, your smile is plain.

To others, it might not mean anything.

But to me, your smile is the most precious thing.

I want to protect your smile.

So you can smile like that always.

I'm sorry I can't smile as beautiful as yours.
But, my smile is honest.
Please believe me.

When can I see your smile again?

I feel like running~ 

The Sad Result...

I wouldn't say it was bad, rather disappointing I guess. My result just came in, and the pointer was great! Seeing all the A's line down (except for java of course, C+ and totally worth it)! But, nothing is perfect, I got D+ in my calculus. The one subject I fear most. I guess my fear caught up to me. I'm frustrated because all the other subject I aced it! Why does it have to slack a bit? :( If it weren't for calculus, I think I might have dean award in my grasp. I guess that's just a dream I'll never get hold on. Ahh, stupid dream.

Now, since I've failed in calculus, I have to repeat it again. Yup! ME! I'M GONNA FREAKING REPEAT A FUUUUU PAPER!!! ARGHHHHH!!!! /floor

Ugh, I'm okay. Seriously. Nothing beats than crying in my mother's arm for comfort. I've just cry for freaking 3 hours non-stop because of this and my eye started to swell up now. :P It hurts so damn much. /sweat

Again with the repeating stuff, I don't know if there someone else gonna repeat with me, I guess I have to start taking care of myself and don't rely on other people so much. :D

I'm disappointed because all my effort didn't show a good result. It's like I didn't study at all. My mom said "It's ok, you can do it better next sem.". I know mom, it just that . . . a bit upsetting because, I know I'm stupid in numbers, but I've tried and yet I still failed. I don't know what went wrong, a lack of effort? Not enough stressing moment? But my mom taught me just let it go and do your best. Maybe God is testing me,  I dunno. But one thing I know, I'm so getting my revenge on calculus. /wahaha

Congrats to all of you who have ace it and have a good result. As for me, I'm gonna work as twice as much and redeem myself. THIS IS TOTALLY GONNA HAUNT ME EVERY NIGHT!!! But I'm still grateful despite I have one fail, I still have an awesome pointer. /XD

I'm okay now (for whoever cared about me). See you again Mr. Calculus II~ /bye